25 Sep 2005 17:22:08
Alistair Potts
Stupid Story II

So it's the summer of '99 and I'm somewhere on the river so way upstream
from Hammersmith its untrue and the stream's going the wrong way so
we've already rowed about 3 thousand miles and I'm thinking fuck me this
is Richmond how far are we going? but actually I'm watching two
dragonflies do their thing on the bows. It's a good day for that sort of

So we row right through Richmond past the nice bit with the bars and
past all the big houses on the hill and Richmond disappears and it's all
meadows an trees as we come round this big bend and I'm looking at my
watch and thinking I have no idea how much further we can go but who
cares it's a beautiful day.

And then I see on the bank on the left there's this shingly bit and at
the top there's an ice cream van and about thirty people just hanging
around, it's really pleasant round there, so I think let's get everyone
an ice cream so I steer over and I call easy and then Graham Smith turns
round and says well what are we going to pay with?

And all these fat people in t-shirts are out for a walk and are licking
their ice-lollies and looking at us and thinking there's something there
in the bow, and I think oh fuck and without trying to think I jump out
into the water which is only up to my thighs and stick out my arms like
I'm the frigging MC or something and I say Laydeees and Gentleman behold
before you the four oarsman who represent Great Britain in rowing they
are athletic specimens hitherto unseen by public eye and I bring them
before you for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here in the stroke seat
we have Jonny Singfield superman extraordinaire... and I bang on like
this for about three minutes and make a big deal about Jonny Searle's
Olympic thing and then I'm saying: Is there a man or woman among you who
only for the price of four ice-creams would like to sit amongst these
demi-gods, yes you can sit right here on the shiny Olympic seat of Jonny
Searle and become - just for an instant - yourself a mega-sportsman,
just for the four 99s which these men sorely deserve...

And I'm thinking all the time do not stop you have to keep this up if
you stop all this fancy chatter and flunk this you will be an even
bigger arse than if you'd never started and I'm about to launch into
another tirade when this huge bloke in a rugby shirt and shorts and
sandels says yes! and I think thank fuck for that but act cool and bring
the ice-creams back to the boys and the bloke gets in the boat and has
his picture taken and the public chat with some of the boys from the
bank and I'm suddenly bursting with pride like I'm their dad or
something and when we've finished and we row off the fat people even clap.

That's how I remember it, and it's just how it was.

25 Sep 2005 18:25:16
Henry Law
Re: Stupid Story II

Alistair Potts wrote:
> So it's the summer of '99 and I'm somewhere on the river so way upstream

> That's how I remember it, and it's just how it was.

Wonderful! You could write a column somewhere. BLIHAD (see yesterday's
post ..)

25 Sep 2005 19:39:04
Ewoud Dronkert
Re: Stupid Story II

Henry Law wrote:
> Wonderful!

Yeah, great stuff.

E. Dronkert