23 Jul 2006 07:54:15
roj
Possibly off topic

My girlfriend thinks that it is strange that I like to watch figure
skating on TV. She thought it was weird that I drove 75 miles to see
Champions on Ice. Is this a bad sign? Is this an indication that
perhaps we will never be compatible? I'm seriously worried about this.
She must have low regard for me.



23 Jul 2006 09:55:33
Gonna Skate
Re: Possibly off topic

roj wrote:
> My girlfriend thinks that it is strange that I like to watch figure
> skating on TV. She thought it was weird that I drove 75 miles to see
> Champions on Ice. Is this a bad sign? Is this an indication that
> perhaps we will never be compatible? I'm seriously worried about this.
> She must have low regard for me.

Just because someone doesn't share your opinion about figure skating
doesn't mean they have a low regard for you. Perhaps she doesn't know
enough about ice skating to enjoy it like you do. Perhaps she knows
enough and still doesn't like it. How informed is her opinion?

IMO, the happiness of your relationship will depend more on the way
your girlfriend expresses her opinions and the way you react to those
expressions than the happiness will depend on what those opinions are.

You wrote that your girlfriend thinks "it" is strange that you like to
watch figure skating, etc. I can see that as a reasonable opinion,
though I personally don't share it. I'd be more worried if you'd
written "My girlfriend thinks that *I am* strange because I like to
watch figure skating..." See the difference?

Spend some time thinking about how important her opinion about your
interest in figure skating is to you and how it will affect your
relationship with her. Here are some questions you might ask yourself
assuming her opinion about figure skating is fixed: How will you react
if your girlfriend rolls her eyes every time you head off to an ice
show? Is she the type of person to resent the time away from her? The
expense of the tickets? The gas money? Is she the type of person to
insist on going with you and then spoiling it for you? Are you the type
of person to feel guilty about any of the above? Will she stand between
you and the TV and mock the skaters the entire time you're trying to
watch Worlds? How much time, money and energy do you spend on your
skating interest? Are you secretly dreaming of finding someone who
shares this one interest with you, or are you more interested in other
things such as religious compatibility, political affiliation, food
likes, sleeping patterns, and attitudes toward marriage, money and
children? Or is it all about physical attractiveness? I'm assuming
there are other things about this person that you do like. Are they
more important to you than figure skating? Would you be willing to
sacrifice figure skating to be with her if it did come down to making
that choice?

All of that said, there are women who like figure skating. Lots of
them. I met my husband skating, so we have no worries there. Talk about
going camping, though, and things really heat up at my house.

Good luck!



24 Jul 2006 16:58:32
roj
Re: Possibly off topic


Gonna Skate wrote:

> You wrote that your girlfriend thinks "it" is strange that you like to
> watch figure skating, etc. I can see that as a reasonable opinion,
> though I personally don't share it. I'd be more worried if you'd
> written "My girlfriend thinks that *I am* strange because I like to
> watch figure skating..."

Well, that is what I meant. She thinks that "I am" strange. I don't
mind if we don't share some interests. I can live with that. But it
does trouble me if she makes judgments about my sanity because of
certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
like it.



24 Jul 2006 18:55:57
Gonna Skate
Re: Possibly off topic

roj wrote:
> Well, that is what I meant. She thinks that "I am" strange. I don't
> mind if we don't share some interests. I can live with that. But it
> does trouble me if she makes judgments about my sanity because of
> certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
> skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
> like it.

Yes, that is a completely different situation.

I'd trust my instincts on this if I were you. You can put some effort
into explaining to her just what her opinion of *you* means to you and
see if she changes her tune at all. If she doesn't, well at least you
know what kind of person she is: the kind that will consciously make
you feel bad. Then you can make a decision about what to do next based
on that information.

Of course your sanity should not be questioned because you happen to
like figure skating. I hope you're clear on that or you might let the
type of attitude you report comes at you from your "girlfriend" get to
you. Easy in theory, hard in practice.



24 Jul 2006 20:08:17
Little T
Re: Possibly off topic

On 24 Jul 2006 16:58:32 -0700, "roj" <Alternity@EV1.net > wrote:

>
>Gonna Skate wrote:
>
>> You wrote that your girlfriend thinks "it" is strange that you like to
>> watch figure skating, etc. I can see that as a reasonable opinion,
>> though I personally don't share it. I'd be more worried if you'd
>> written "My girlfriend thinks that *I am* strange because I like to
>> watch figure skating..."
>
>Well, that is what I meant. She thinks that "I am" strange. I don't
>mind if we don't share some interests. I can live with that. But it
>does trouble me if she makes judgments about my sanity because of
>certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
>skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
>like it.

Shame on her! I am married, 22 years, to a "manly man", and he
appreciates figure skating. I also have four sons and they ALL wait
in anticipation for skating events.

Toni


25 Jul 2006 08:22:05
Chris Hall
Re: Possibly off topic

roj wrote:
> Gonna Skate wrote:
>
>
>>You wrote that your girlfriend thinks "it" is strange that you like to
>>watch figure skating, etc. I can see that as a reasonable opinion,
>>though I personally don't share it. I'd be more worried if you'd
>>written "My girlfriend thinks that *I am* strange because I like to
>>watch figure skating..."
>
>
> Well, that is what I meant. She thinks that "I am" strange. I don't
> mind if we don't share some interests. I can live with that. But it
> does trouble me if she makes judgments about my sanity because of
> certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
> skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
> like it.
>

Hmm, why not try to defuse things by claiming that you're Canadian? Then
wax enthusiastically about the CFL, hockey and curling. You might get
pegged as merely eccentric. Works for me.

Chris

p.s. someone who can openly discuss pairs skating with another guy at
work, but he's Russian so he also gets a pass.

--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com



25 Jul 2006 10:14:30
Penpoint
Re: Possibly off topic

On 24 Jul 2006 16:58:32 -0700, "roj" <Alternity@EV1.net > wrote:

>
>Gonna Skate wrote:
>
>certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
>skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
>like it.


Clearly, it's time to find a new girlfriend -- she doesn't even have
to like figure skating, just as long as she's not homophobic.

--Penpoint


25 Jul 2006 13:19:33
Re: Possibly off topic

My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and we both love figure
skating. In fact, we've gone to numerous events, including Worlds and
Nationals, and there are lots of men there, with their wives or
girlfriends.

Sounds to me like you need to find a new woman.



On Mon, 24 Jul 2006, roj wrote:

>
> Gonna Skate wrote:
>
> > You wrote that your girlfriend thinks "it" is strange that you like to
> > watch figure skating, etc. I can see that as a reasonable opinion,
> > though I personally don't share it. I'd be more worried if you'd
> > written "My girlfriend thinks that *I am* strange because I like to
> > watch figure skating..."
>
> Well, that is what I meant. She thinks that "I am" strange. I don't
> mind if we don't share some interests. I can live with that. But it
> does trouble me if she makes judgments about my sanity because of
> certain interests that I might have. She doesn't dislike figure
> skating. But she thinks that it is not "normal" for a guy or for me to
> like it.
>
>


Marshall Adesman
"Baseball Spoken Here"
Duke University
email: madesman@acpub.duke.edu