30 Oct 2004 20:27:13
Manna Pheuwerds
Golf Gods

Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
list of who they are.

The Major Golf Gods: The God of the Water, The God of the Sand, and the God
of the Trees.

The Minor Golf Gods: The Fairway God, The Wind God, and The God of the
Green and the God of the Rough.

Golf Demons:

The Hole Demon: The cause of lipped out puts.

The Squirrel Demon: Closely associated with the God of the trees. The
Squirrel demon is a pest and parasite to the God of the Trees and as such
the God of the Trees sucks in balls to kill Squirrel Demons. Sometimes the
balls bounce out, sometimes they ricochet into the netherworld.;

The Cart Path Demon: An interesting creature, who sometimes makes drives
much longer than normal and other times kicks balls into the netherworld,
but in the end always exacts a price... a seriously scuffed ball.

The Rules Demon: Break the rules, he makes you pay.

The Tee Demon: He causes you to accidentally bump your ball off the tee. If
you don't pull the tee out of the ground and re-tee the ball, he then
insures a bad shot.

The Rock Demon: Generates hidden rocks at the point of impact to damage
your expensive club.

Fairies: Despite populare opinon, Fairies do exist in the game of golf, but
are rarely encountered. The most prevalent are the water fairy who
magically allows balls to skip across water like a stone to land, the sand
fairy, who causes balls to skip out of bunkers, the wood fairy who causes
balls to ricochet off trees into the perfect position, and the hole fairy
who battles with the Hole Demon and occasionally wins allowing a potential
lip out to do a 360 and fall in the hole.

Any time a fairy appears and assists you, it must be thanked. Otherwise it
will die. Please thank your Fairies, we can't have them go extinct.

The Gods of Golf require sacrifices on a regular basis. Brand new balls and
tees are their most regular diet, but an occasional club doesn't hurt. IF
HOWEVER, you find an unbroken tee or a another ball, YOU MUST accept the
gift, as it is a gift from the Gods of Golf, even if the gift is inferior
to the to previous sacrifices. If you reject the gift, then you risk the
wrath of the Gods which could include the loss of many more balls and tees
as well as the complete release of their demons against you!

Understand the Gods of Golf are wrathful, selfish and unpredictable. If
they screw up your game it is YOUR FAULT because of some unknown
transgression. However, if they bless you with a good shot or good round,
YOU MUST thank the Gods for allowing you the round. To do otherwise risks a
season of high scores.

Finally, all the Gods of Golf are ruled by the Supreme God: CHAOS. And who
the hell knows what he will do on any given day.





30 Oct 2004 12:59:29
Bruce Newman
Re: Golf Gods

In article <418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au >, "Manna Pheuwerds"
<mumstheword@eftel.com > wrote:

> Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
> list of who they are.
[...]

I've found the absolute best way to ensure good karma on the course is
to replace divots, repair ball marks, pick up any papers/trash you see,
respect the course and those you play with and, generally, accept your
results--good or bad--graciously. The golf gods will love you and you
will be rewarded in ways too numerous to describe here.

Bruce


----------------------
Bruce E. Newman * Fredericton, NB, Canada
http://rec-sport-golf.com/members/?rollcall=newmanb
info at brucenewman dot com * http://brucenewman.com


30 Oct 2004 13:45:54
John
Re: Golf Gods

In article <301020041001483839%benewman@nbnet.nb.ca >,
benewman@nbnet.nb.ca says...
: In article <418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au >, "Manna Pheuwerds"
: <mumstheword@eftel.com > wrote:
:
: > Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
: > list of who they are.
: [...]
:
: I've found the absolute best way to ensure good karma on the course is
: to replace divots, repair ball marks, pick up any papers/trash you see,
: respect the course and those you play with and, generally, accept your
: results--good or bad--graciously. The golf gods will love you and you
: will be rewarded in ways too numerous to describe here.
:
: Bruce
:

Well put. You could be a poet as well as an artist. Come to think
of it, Joni Mitchell is like that too. (I'll bet that observation
makes your day.)


30 Oct 2004 13:46:38
Kenny Stultz
Re: Golf Gods

In article <301020041001483839%benewman@nbnet.nb.ca >, benewman@nbnet.nb.ca
says...
>
>The golf gods will love you and you
>will be rewarded in ways too numerous to describe here.
>
>Bruce
>


Good words. My wife (who prefers to recognize the golf goddess rather than the
golf gods) has a sightly different take on divine intervention in golf. It
probably has a lot to do with her propensity to never hit two good shots in
a row.

"She lifts you up just to slap you back down."

Kenny

--
Kenny Stultz - Troll and SPAM intolerant
RSG Rollcall: http://rec-sport-golf.com/members/?rollcall=stultzk
"Golf is the only sport where a precise knowledge of the Rules can
earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship"



30 Oct 2004 14:41:21
Bruce Newman
Re: Golf Gods

In article <MPG.1bed4af253a608a29896a4@news.telusplanet.net >, John
<John@somewhere.com > wrote:

> In article <301020041001483839%benewman@nbnet.nb.ca>,
> benewman@nbnet.nb.ca says...
> : In article <418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au>, "Manna Pheuwerds"
> : <mumstheword@eftel.com> wrote:
> :
> : > Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
> : > list of who they are.
> : [...]
> :
> : I've found the absolute best way to ensure good karma on the course is
> : to replace divots, repair ball marks, pick up any papers/trash you see,
> : respect the course and those you play with and, generally, accept your
> : results--good or bad--graciously. The golf gods will love you and you
> : will be rewarded in ways too numerous to describe here.
> :
> : Bruce
> :
>
> Well put. You could be a poet as well as an artist. Come to think
> of it, Joni Mitchell is like that too. (I'll bet that observation
> makes your day.)

:-) Thanks, John.

Bruce


----------------------
Bruce E. Newman * Fredericton, NB, Canada
http://rec-sport-golf.com/members/?rollcall=newmanb
info at brucenewman dot com * http://brucenewman.com


30 Oct 2004 14:16:50
Chris S
Re: Golf Gods

Hmmmm, I've seen this somewhere before.................


"Manna Pheuwerds" <mumstheword@eftel.com > wrote in message
news:418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au...
> Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
> list of who they are.
>
> The Major Golf Gods: The God of the Water, The God of the Sand, and the
God
> of the Trees.
>
> The Minor Golf Gods: The Fairway God, The Wind God, and The God of the
> Green and the God of the Rough.
>
> Golf Demons:
>
> The Hole Demon: The cause of lipped out puts.
>
> The Squirrel Demon: Closely associated with the God of the trees. The
> Squirrel demon is a pest and parasite to the God of the Trees and as such
> the God of the Trees sucks in balls to kill Squirrel Demons. Sometimes the
> balls bounce out, sometimes they ricochet into the netherworld.;
>
> The Cart Path Demon: An interesting creature, who sometimes makes drives
> much longer than normal and other times kicks balls into the netherworld,
> but in the end always exacts a price... a seriously scuffed ball.
>
> The Rules Demon: Break the rules, he makes you pay.
>
> The Tee Demon: He causes you to accidentally bump your ball off the tee.
If
> you don't pull the tee out of the ground and re-tee the ball, he then
> insures a bad shot.
>
> The Rock Demon: Generates hidden rocks at the point of impact to damage
> your expensive club.
>
> Fairies: Despite populare opinon, Fairies do exist in the game of golf,
but
> are rarely encountered. The most prevalent are the water fairy who
> magically allows balls to skip across water like a stone to land, the sand
> fairy, who causes balls to skip out of bunkers, the wood fairy who causes
> balls to ricochet off trees into the perfect position, and the hole fairy
> who battles with the Hole Demon and occasionally wins allowing a potential
> lip out to do a 360 and fall in the hole.
>
> Any time a fairy appears and assists you, it must be thanked. Otherwise it
> will die. Please thank your Fairies, we can't have them go extinct.
>
> The Gods of Golf require sacrifices on a regular basis. Brand new balls
and
> tees are their most regular diet, but an occasional club doesn't hurt. IF
> HOWEVER, you find an unbroken tee or a another ball, YOU MUST accept the
> gift, as it is a gift from the Gods of Golf, even if the gift is inferior
> to the to previous sacrifices. If you reject the gift, then you risk the
> wrath of the Gods which could include the loss of many more balls and tees
> as well as the complete release of their demons against you!
>
> Understand the Gods of Golf are wrathful, selfish and unpredictable. If
> they screw up your game it is YOUR FAULT because of some unknown
> transgression. However, if they bless you with a good shot or good round,
> YOU MUST thank the Gods for allowing you the round. To do otherwise risks
a
> season of high scores.
>
> Finally, all the Gods of Golf are ruled by the Supreme God: CHAOS. And who
> the hell knows what he will do on any given day.
>
>
>




30 Oct 2004 19:17:08
Re: Golf Gods

>Finally,
>all the Gods of Golf are ruled by the >Supreme God: CHAOS.
>And who the hell knows what he will do >on any given day.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
all days are basically the same over-all - total chaos. that is to say
that all hell broke luce.:--)

=A0=A0m h o
=A0=A0=A0v =83e

"The perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and
young enough not to care"



31 Oct 2004 20:56:16
Bob
Re: Golf Gods

"Manna Pheuwerds" <mumstheword@eftel.com > wrote in message news:<418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au>...
> Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
> list of who they are.
>
> The Major Golf Gods: The God of the Water, The God of the Sand, and the God
> of the Trees.
>
> The Minor Golf Gods: The Fairway God, The Wind God, and The God of the
> Green and the God of the Rough.
>
> Golf Demons:
>
> The Hole Demon: The cause of lipped out puts.
>
> The Squirrel Demon: Closely associated with the God of the trees. The
> Squirrel demon is a pest and parasite to the God of the Trees and as such
> the God of the Trees sucks in balls to kill Squirrel Demons. Sometimes the
> balls bounce out, sometimes they ricochet into the netherworld.;
>
> The Cart Path Demon: An interesting creature, who sometimes makes drives
> much longer than normal and other times kicks balls into the netherworld,
> but in the end always exacts a price... a seriously scuffed ball.
>
> The Rules Demon: Break the rules, he makes you pay.
>
> The Tee Demon: He causes you to accidentally bump your ball off the tee. If
> you don't pull the tee out of the ground and re-tee the ball, he then
> insures a bad shot.
>
> The Rock Demon: Generates hidden rocks at the point of impact to damage
> your expensive club.
>
> Fairies: Despite populare opinon, Fairies do exist in the game of golf, but
> are rarely encountered. The most prevalent are the water fairy who
> magically allows balls to skip across water like a stone to land, the sand
> fairy, who causes balls to skip out of bunkers, the wood fairy who causes
> balls to ricochet off trees into the perfect position, and the hole fairy
> who battles with the Hole Demon and occasionally wins allowing a potential
> lip out to do a 360 and fall in the hole.
>
> Any time a fairy appears and assists you, it must be thanked. Otherwise it
> will die. Please thank your Fairies, we can't have them go extinct.
>
> The Gods of Golf require sacrifices on a regular basis. Brand new balls and
> tees are their most regular diet, but an occasional club doesn't hurt. IF
> HOWEVER, you find an unbroken tee or a another ball, YOU MUST accept the
> gift, as it is a gift from the Gods of Golf, even if the gift is inferior
> to the to previous sacrifices. If you reject the gift, then you risk the
> wrath of the Gods which could include the loss of many more balls and tees
> as well as the complete release of their demons against you!
>
> Understand the Gods of Golf are wrathful, selfish and unpredictable. If
> they screw up your game it is YOUR FAULT because of some unknown
> transgression. However, if they bless you with a good shot or good round,
> YOU MUST thank the Gods for allowing you the round. To do otherwise risks a
> season of high scores.
>
> Finally, all the Gods of Golf are ruled by the Supreme God: CHAOS. And who
> the hell knows what he will do on any given day.

I want to know about the golf gods that are in charge of extracting
revenge upon those who don't rake bunkers, don't fill their divots,
don't repair ball marks, spit tobacco juice onto the greens and leave
cigarette & cigar butts on the course.

Based on how often I have to observe or deal with those
transgressions, I'd say it must be a pretty low-power god.

On a related note, has anyone ever been at a course where the
marshall's duties included checking to make sure that bunkers were
raked? I can see where that could be impractical at a busy course,
but on a slow day...

Bob
Ontario, California

Hook, hook, go away.....


01 Nov 2004 20:59:45
Manna Pheuwerds
Re: Golf Gods

Sorry about that, guys. Not trying to steal the original writer's
thunder. I did a copy & paste to send to my golfing mates
but somehow the Star Trek transporter has zapped my NG
name back onto here.

"Chris S" <nospam@coxyahoo.com > wrote in message
news:uMRgd.2955$G15.576@fed1read03...
> Hmmmm, I've seen this somewhere before.................
>
>
> "Manna Pheuwerds" <mumstheword@eftel.com> wrote in message
> news:418388d1@usenet.per.paradox.net.au...
> > Golf is a game ruled by the mythical Gods of Golf. Here is an incomplete
> > list of who they are.
> >
> > The Major Golf Gods: The God of the Water, The God of the Sand, and the
> God
> > of the Trees.
> >
> > The Minor Golf Gods: The Fairway God, The Wind God, and The God of the
> > Green and the God of the Rough.
> >
> > Golf Demons:
> >
> > The Hole Demon: The cause of lipped out puts.
> >
> > The Squirrel Demon: Closely associated with the God of the trees. The
> > Squirrel demon is a pest and parasite to the God of the Trees and as
such
> > the God of the Trees sucks in balls to kill Squirrel Demons. Sometimes
the
> > balls bounce out, sometimes they ricochet into the netherworld.;
> >
> > The Cart Path Demon: An interesting creature, who sometimes makes drives
> > much longer than normal and other times kicks balls into the
netherworld,
> > but in the end always exacts a price... a seriously scuffed ball.
> >
> > The Rules Demon: Break the rules, he makes you pay.
> >
> > The Tee Demon: He causes you to accidentally bump your ball off the tee.
> If
> > you don't pull the tee out of the ground and re-tee the ball, he then
> > insures a bad shot.
> >
> > The Rock Demon: Generates hidden rocks at the point of impact to damage
> > your expensive club.
> >
> > Fairies: Despite populare opinon, Fairies do exist in the game of golf,
> but
> > are rarely encountered. The most prevalent are the water fairy who
> > magically allows balls to skip across water like a stone to land, the
sand
> > fairy, who causes balls to skip out of bunkers, the wood fairy who
causes
> > balls to ricochet off trees into the perfect position, and the hole
fairy
> > who battles with the Hole Demon and occasionally wins allowing a
potential
> > lip out to do a 360 and fall in the hole.
> >
> > Any time a fairy appears and assists you, it must be thanked. Otherwise
it
> > will die. Please thank your Fairies, we can't have them go extinct.
> >
> > The Gods of Golf require sacrifices on a regular basis. Brand new balls
> and
> > tees are their most regular diet, but an occasional club doesn't hurt.
IF
> > HOWEVER, you find an unbroken tee or a another ball, YOU MUST accept the
> > gift, as it is a gift from the Gods of Golf, even if the gift is
inferior
> > to the to previous sacrifices. If you reject the gift, then you risk the
> > wrath of the Gods which could include the loss of many more balls and
tees
> > as well as the complete release of their demons against you!
> >
> > Understand the Gods of Golf are wrathful, selfish and unpredictable. If
> > they screw up your game it is YOUR FAULT because of some unknown
> > transgression. However, if they bless you with a good shot or good
round,
> > YOU MUST thank the Gods for allowing you the round. To do otherwise
risks
> a
> > season of high scores.
> >
> > Finally, all the Gods of Golf are ruled by the Supreme God: CHAOS. And
who
> > the hell knows what he will do on any given day.
> >
> >
> >
>
>