27 Jan 2005 09:59:49
westoz
Australia Day 26th.

Surf content - windy onshore shoulder high mush - I abstained.

I was sent this, appropriate for Australia day.


WE ARE ONE - We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and
the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many
of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in
the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we
bloody well like.

We are one Nation but divided into States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
Grand Final Day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's New South Wales, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato
with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its
capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is
proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up
their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
Grand Prix but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did,
all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was
the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work
there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains and
dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of
anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of
our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to
flyover it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
the next.

Oh, and then there's Canberra.
Why God filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

The less said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by highways, whose treacherous twists
and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in
joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is
better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a
political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes
and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament.

Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
(so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We
love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a
sailing race and still tell us who's winning.

And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket, swimming, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting,
two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest
pies and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in
Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards or
cameras but chain the pens to the desk.

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

I am, you are, we are Australian!

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
Crest!!!! (the roo and the emu) No other country has this distinction!

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2005.





27 Jan 2005 17:34:27
NZed
Re: Australia Day 26th.

Bloody classic !
NZed
However I see you missed one point....about your sheep......and shaggin.

"westoz" <wstoz@home.com > wrote in message news:41f84b19@quokka.wn.com.au...
> Surf content - windy onshore shoulder high mush - I abstained.
>
> I was sent this, appropriate for Australia day.
>
>
> WE ARE ONE - We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and
> the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many
> of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in
> the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we
> bloody well like.
>
> We are one Nation but divided into States.
>
> First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
> lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
> Grand Final Day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
> chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
> think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
>
> Next, there's New South Wales, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato
> with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its
> capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is
> proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up
> their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
>
> Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
> that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
> chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
> faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
> Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
>
> South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
> foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
> else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
> Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
> Grand Prix but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
> drivers to sleep at the wheel.
>
> Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
> claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did,
> all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was
> the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work
> there in the government and business.
>
> The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains and
> dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of
> anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
> content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of
> our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to
> flyover it on our way to Bali.
>
> And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
> document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
> that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
> the next.
>
> Oh, and then there's Canberra.
> Why God filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
>
> The less said the better.
>
> We, the citizens of Oz, are united by highways, whose treacherous twists
> and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
> lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in
> joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is
> better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a
> political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes
> and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament.
>
> Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
>
> We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
> mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
> (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We
> love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a
> sailing race and still tell us who's winning.
>
> And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
> cricket, swimming, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting,
> two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest
> pies and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in
> Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an
> ambulance.
>
> Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards or
> cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
>
> Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
> pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
> sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
>
> I am, you are, we are Australian!
>
> P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
> Crest!!!! (the roo and the emu) No other country has this distinction!
>
> HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2005.
>
>
>




27 Jan 2005 21:08:13
westoz
Re: Australia Day 26th.


"NZed" <nocrap@nomorespam.com > wrote in message
news:41f86f56@clear.net.nz...
> Bloody classic !
> NZed
> However I see you missed one point....about your sheep......and shaggin.
>
No brother NZed, we just don't like to interfere with your national pass
time.

-Tom




28 Jan 2005 09:07:44
NZed
Re: Australia Day 26th.

passtime....thats exactly what it was....the australians have been so good
taking over all the sports. We cannot compete ; )
Wasnt it an australian who invented the inflatable sheep ?
NZed

"westoz" <wstoz@home.com > wrote in message news:41f8e7bd@quokka.wn.com.au...
>
> "NZed" <nocrap@nomorespam.com> wrote in message
> news:41f86f56@clear.net.nz...
> > Bloody classic !
> > NZed
> > However I see you missed one point....about your sheep......and shaggin.
> >
> No brother NZed, we just don't like to interfere with your national pass
> time.
>
> -Tom
>
>




27 Jan 2005 20:18:17
Gleshna
Re: Australia Day 26th.

> "westoz" wstoz@home.com

>Surf content - windy onshore shoulder high mush - I abstained.

Sounds like about an 8 out of 10 on the local Lake surf quality scale.


Gleshna

Sometimes the Ocean is a lake. Sometimes the Lake is an ocean.








27 Jan 2005 13:16:54
Surfer Bob
Re: Australia Day 26th.

Very entertaining and educational (edutaining?). Thanks, Westoz.

But is it true that koalas can actually control the weather, so don't
mess with them?

Surfer Bob



28 Jan 2005 14:57:30
westoz
Re: Australia Day 26th.


"Surfer Bob" <surferbeto@hotmail.com > wrote in message
news:1106860613.987068.150920@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> Very entertaining and educational (edutaining?). Thanks, Westoz.
>
> But is it true that koalas can actually control the weather, so don't
> mess with them?
>
> Surfer Bob
>

Don't know, but they taste good BBQed. ; )

-Tom




28 Jan 2005 10:45:26
pnwk
Re: Australia Day 26th.

teddy bear meat
under most circumstances
ill pass



29 Jan 2005 01:44:16
mountain man
Re: Australia Day 26th.

"pnwk" <jkile01@cs.com > wrote in message
news:1106937925.978368.100610@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> teddy bear meat
> under most circumstances
> ill pass


good move ... the (eucalyptus)
alcohol content is extreme

WestOz: 10 to 1 on a banana bender
wrote that screed.

Get ya quota,





--
Pete Brown
Falls Creek
OZ
www.mountainman.com.au




29 Jan 2005 11:57:51
westoz
Re: Australia Day 26th.


"mountain man" <hobbit@southern_seaweed.com.op > wrote in message
news:QTBKd.139069$K7.117551@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> "pnwk" <jkile01@cs.com> wrote in message
> news:1106937925.978368.100610@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
>> teddy bear meat
>> under most circumstances
>> ill pass
>
>
> good move ... the (eucalyptus)
> alcohol content is extreme
>
> WestOz: 10 to 1 on a banana bender
> wrote that screed.
>
> Get ya quota,
>

True Pete, I discovered the original for Queensland read:

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
the next.
"Why He filled it with dickheads remains a mystery!"

-Tom




28 Jan 2005 20:39:06
Re: Australia Day 26th.


westoz wrote:
> "mountain man" <hobbit@southern_seaweed.com.op> wrote in message
> news:QTBKd.139069$K7.117551@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> > "pnwk" <jkile01@cs.com> wrote in message
> > news:1106937925.978368.100610@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> >> teddy bear meat
> >> under most circumstances
> >> ill pass
> >
> >
> > good move ... the (eucalyptus)
> > alcohol content is extreme
> >
> > WestOz: 10 to 1 on a banana bender
> > wrote that screed.
> >
> > Get ya quota,
> >
>
> True Pete, I discovered the original for Queensland read:
>
> And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
> document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth
noting
> that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and
perfect
> the next.
> "Why He filled it with dickheads remains a mystery!"
>
> -Tom


Tom & Pete, This is what we were blessed with today (swellnet pics
below), thankfully most of those aforementioned dickheads were waiting
in line at the points, Massive crowds lately but there were hollow
overhead barrels for miles on the beaches. Perfectly clean for the
morning incoming tide. Memorable times spent in the green room. Same
again tomorrow, probly better on Mon, Tues.... :)

http://www.swellnet.com.au/reports/images/29Jan02big.jpg
http://www.swellnet.com.au/reports/images/29Jan03big.jpg



29 Jan 2005 12:59:32
westoz
Re: Australia Day 26th.


<coffin_spit@weedmail.com > wrote in message
news:1106973546.345737.220620@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
>
> westoz wrote:
>> "mountain man" <hobbit@southern_seaweed.com.op> wrote in message
>> news:QTBKd.139069$K7.117551@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
>> > "pnwk" <jkile01@cs.com> wrote in message
>> > news:1106937925.978368.100610@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
>> >> teddy bear meat
>> >> under most circumstances
>> >> ill pass
>> >
>> >
>> > good move ... the (eucalyptus)
>> > alcohol content is extreme
>> >
>> > WestOz: 10 to 1 on a banana bender
>> > wrote that screed.
>> >
>> > Get ya quota,
>> >
>>
>> True Pete, I discovered the original for Queensland read:
>>
>> And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
>> document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth
> noting
>> that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and
> perfect
>> the next.
>> "Why He filled it with dickheads remains a mystery!"
>>
>> -Tom
>
>
> Tom & Pete, This is what we were blessed with today (swellnet pics
> below), thankfully most of those aforementioned dickheads were waiting
> in line at the points, Massive crowds lately but there were hollow
> overhead barrels for miles on the beaches. Perfectly clean for the
> morning incoming tide. Memorable times spent in the green room. Same
> again tomorrow, probly better on Mon, Tues.... :)
>
> http://www.swellnet.com.au/reports/images/29Jan02big.jpg
> http://www.swellnet.com.au/reports/images/29Jan03big.jpg
>
Yes very nice.

-Tom